YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A CHOICE

Updated: Nov 11, 2019

You read that correctly. You actually have a choice, but you were naive to it, or you were still trying to do the right thing. It’s that voice in your head that asks a lot of questions. The one that asks, how come it’s not as easy as it was in the beginning?


This is called Metacognition. This is another tool in your toolbox. The definition of Metacognition is the art of thinking about your thoughts, feeling your feelings, and being aware of your awareness.


The Google translation of Metacognition is awareness and understanding of one’s own thought processes.


Why am I bringing up Metacognition? I’m trying to understand why I’m in this situation. This is one of those golden tools that life has available. It’s in arms reach, but the problem is, we never reach for it.


I believe that you have to go through some trauma to discover it. That is the trauma from a death in the family and/or the sudden feeling of heartbreak.


You start to ask questions. How come this is happening? Why did this happen? So none of it matters? What’s the point?


*****


We use metacognition all the time. It’s the thoughts that come when you do A and wonder why you didn’t do B. It’s the anxiety you get when you’re faced with something risky, and you tell yourself that everything is going to be alright.


Being aware of these thoughts and feelings gives you great power. This is my opinion of metacognition, it’s probably the feeling Captain America got when he lifted Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir. Or if you’re not a Marvel fan. It's the feeling you get when you find out that Batman’s parents are going to get shot again, in a new movie remake.


You knew that Cap was going to lift the hammer. You know that Bruce’s parents were going to die and all those beads were going to fly all over the street. However, you still cheered when he became worthy and you groaned when you saw them leave the movie theater.


This is you having control of your feelings. this is another step to finding yourself.


*****


When did I discover the power of metacognition?


A little about myself, I don’t like to do the dishes. I hate the way the food looks and feels when it is floating around in the water. I have no trouble touching it before it goes into the water, but once it’s in the sink, that’s it!


One of the many reasons why I drove my ex-wife away, wasn’t doing the dishes. You can’t negotiate desire. (That’s a subject for another time.) It was the fact that I wasn’t thinking about her.


I spent all of my free time at home playing video games, rewatching movies, and yelling at kids to clean up. How come I never took the time to clean the house? As soon as she came home from work, her next job of cleaning began. While she cleaned, she had great resentment towards me, wondering how a full-grown man, can’t clean his area when he was done.


Unfortunately, it took me cleaning my dishes at my house - the house that wasn’t with her or my kids - to understand metacognition. I asked myself, how come I couldn’t do the dishes? I didn’t have to do the dishes for her, but for me. If I did the dishes for myself, everyone around me would benefit from it too.


I realized most of our time together was spent on cleaning the house. The only time I cleaned, was when she came home and didn’t say a word. I acted like a child does when they know they’re going to get punished for not doing their chores.


It wouldn’t have saved my marriage, but it would have reduced the chances of it failing. How would my marriage be, if I only knew what I know now?


This is an example of metacognition.


What if she came home and the house was clean, dinner was made, and the kids weren’t scolded? What if I did all of that for myself? There definitely would have been more time to be together. There would have been a reason to go home to me.


The dishes are done now, but there will be more. Somebody has to do the dishes, might as well be you.


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